


a matter of definition

by celticdrum



Category: Gokusen - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-01
Updated: 2012-08-01
Packaged: 2017-11-11 04:23:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/474468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celticdrum/pseuds/celticdrum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a language only they understand, Ryu has just agreed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a matter of definition

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kaminikaku](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaminikaku/gifts).



> Nonlinear timeline & written with [this song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nb-PEAJWTKk) acting like some sort of soundtrack. Thanks to my beta, who endured my endless whining as I wrote this. 
> 
> Kaminikaku, I hope you enjoy this! <3

*

 

Hayato remembered the day when he first met Ryu, when it was pouring and Hayato's arm was stinging from the wound some moron had inflicted on him. He hid behind the toilet, let the blood drain away from his skin against the sound of the falling rain, and felt, for the first time, what it was like to be a man. 

Ryu came and sat beside him and Hayato remembered how it was Ryu's stoic expression that caught his eyes. 

“I'm bleeding,” he said to Ryu, stating the obvious. 

“Yes, you're bleeding,” Ryu simply replied. Hayato was puzzled; the rest of the boys usually either screamed or ran away immediately whenever they saw blood on him, but Ryu only sat quietly, sometimes glancing over at Hayato's arm, other times looking away but mostly just _there_.

Ryu finally rose. 

“Go see the nurse already, idiot,” he muttered before walking away. 

Hayato turned seven—maybe eight, he never bothered with details—that day. 

 

*

 

It's hard to explain, but Hayato loves entertaining the idea that he has always loved Ryu. It sounds really cheesy, like those lines Take usually reads from shoujo mangas for their amusement. The idea of _loving_ Ryu somehow doesn't seem to disgust Hayato, and Hayato thinks that it's probably because they have been together for so long, that loving each other seems like a natural course. 

When Hayato thinks about it, Ryu's a pretty hard guy to like. He hardly smiles, hardly speaks, hardly warms to strangers; yet girls are always crushing on him (at least that's what Tsucchi's investigation reported) but none of them ever got around to being brave enough to approach him. Hayato used to tell other people that Ryu's just like the stinky toilet: the stench is unbearable but you need to pee anyway, so eventually you just get used to it.

Whenever he says it, it usually earns him a murderous glare from Ryu. 

 

*

 

Maybe it's the alcohol in his system, or maybe it's the raging hormones, but Hayato never expected Ryu to kick him out of his own bed when he pulled him for a kiss. 

“You should go get laid,” Ryu says, with the face of a stone and the voice of ice. 

Hayato holds on to Ryu's arm and Ryu drags him back to his bed. 

They fall asleep next to each other only to be awakened by the frantic ringing of Ryu's handphone at the crack of dawn. His housekeeper's calling to warn him that his father wishes to see him in the morning. 

Hayato goes back to sleep thinking about the kiss he was denied. 

 

*

 

They both don't think about their futures; Hayato doesn't know what to do after high school, Ryu doesn't have to. Hayato's lucky that he's actually in a high school, Ryu purposely didn't do well so that he didn't have to be scouted into an elite high school. 

At least both their fathers call them their idiotic sons. 

 

*

 

“Don't you think we are like some kind of host club?” Tsucchi says as he flips his fan open. It has the calligraphy for the kanji character of “beauty” on it. 

“Why?” Hayato asks in an attempt to alleviate his boredom. Their Japanese Literature teacher decided to fall sick today and none of the teachers wanted to substitute. 

“Isn't it obvious?” Take chimes in dreamily. “All of us are like those legendary _ikemen_ s. We have Hayato the hot _ikemen_ , Ryu the brooding _ikemen_ , Tsucchi the tall and handsome _ikemen_ , Hyuuga the charming _ikemen_ , and lastly, myself as the—“

“And yet everytime we go out on group dates we have to drag Ryu along because no girls will come along if he doesn't go,” Hayato laughs, snapping Ryu from his daily brooding session. 

“What are you guys talking about?”

 

*

 

Sometimes random guys from others schools come over to Ryu's favourite pachinko machine and speak to him, inviting him over to their own deranged gang. You should ditch Yabuki, they say to Ryu. He's a stupid loser, you're better off with us. 

Ryu apologises everytime. 

“Sorry, but I don't follow people who suck.”

Hayato smiles everytime he hears it. Fortunately for Ryu, he's a pretty good fighter, and the random guys usually leave quietly. 

 

*

 

Hayato met Ryu's father for the first time when he tried to enter Ryu's house after getting over the sight of the magnificent mansion. 

“Show me your room, Ryu,” he asked. 

Ryu's face scrunched up in worry. “My father might be around,” he whispered. 

Hayato dragged Ryu back into his own house. 

“The way you are right now, nobody's gonna believe that you're the son of the master of the house,” Hayato teased. 

But Ryu's father was indeed around, and he invited Hayato in and asked his wife to prepare an extra portion of dinner. But after dinner, Odagiri-san took Hayato back to his house and told him that he shouldn't get too close to Ryu, because Ryu would definitely leave to Canada one day and it would be a waste if Hayato made a friend just to see him leave. 

“Ryu won't do that,” Hayato insisted. 

Odagiri-san didn't like Hayato's persistence. 

“Fine,” he said to Hayato. “Don't come attacking my son if he ends up _betraying_ you one day. I warned you.”

Hayato didn't bother asking Ryu if he knew anything about Canada; because—of course—Ryu wouldn't hide something like this from him. Ryu had always told him everything, because Ryu's silence had always been the only thing Hayato understood about him and Ryu's silence had always been able to speak a million words. 

 

*

 

“Hey Ryu,” Hayato says as they stroll towards the ramen stand for a late night snack. “You know, when you worked in Frentzen—”

Ryu snorts. “Still mad?”

“I'm not mad, I mean, I'm a man and I don't keep silly grudges like that,” and Ryu chuckles as Hayato keeps rambling, “I just want to check—“

“My father didn't care,” Ryu answers before Hayato asks. “I think he gave up on me. He was probably happier than ever since I was no longer hanging out with you.”

Odagiri-san sure has a fucked up sense of priority, Hayato thinks. 

“What the hell, did your father really think that I was worse than the Frentzen guys?”

“Yea,” Ryu snickers. “He thinks that you're like the ultimate evil or something.”

 

*

 

Hayato sometimes asks Ryu things about his mom, because Hayato's mom loved Ryu and Ryu, as far as Hayato knows, loved his mother too. She used to prepare an extra packet of lunch for Ryu, because Ryu's housekeeper made lunchboxes that were, in Hayato's mom's words, “completely devoid of love”. 

“That's why you grow up so well-fed, Hayato-chan,” his mother used to say, “because mama loves you and mama gives you the best lunchboxes. If you like Ryu-chan, you should share this with him.”

Hayato knew, even from a long time ago, why she did that; because Hayato's mom, like Hayato himself, could tell a million things just by looking at Ryu. 

 

*

 

Hayato realises that Ryu gradually speaks more after they made up; quite possibly because Yankumi is rubbing off on him. 

Hayato likes him that way, maybe more than ever. 

 

*

 

It's a rush of emotions, a current of electricity, and before Hayato can say anything, he's pinning Ryu to the bed and kissing him all over. This time, Ryu doesn't kick him out of the bed, doesn't tell him that he needs to get laid, doesn't push him away. He kisses Hayato back, pushing his tongue into his mouth, grabbing onto his hips, and unbuttoning his shirt. Hayato reciprocates—no, Hayato has been _waiting_ for this moment, waiting for the moment Ryu would tell him his own feelings, act on his impulses, and allow the space between them to disappear. Ryu bites Hayato's lip and Hayato moans, realising just how much he has been wanting for this to happen. 

Hayato lets himself fall closer towards Ryu, pressing their bodies closer and entwining their fingers. The bulge in his pants throbs desperately; he wants Ryu, every part of him, every inch of his skin, every word of his, every breath he takes. All sense of familiarity leaves him rapidly and soon the boy he's kissing is no longer the Ryu that he knows, not the Ryu he has grown up with. 

There's tingling in his spine—it's only Ryu, he tells himself. His heartbeat's erratic—Ryu, just Ryu. Ryu's hand around his neck suffocates him but it's _Ryu_ , the boy who ate from his mother's lunchboxes, the boy who came to stay by his side when no one would, the boy who once helped to babysit his little brother. 

They part, words mumbled in between pants and desires lost in their touches, but Hayato knows that they've reached an understanding. 

“Where's Taku?”

“Sleepover at a friend's, we're clear.”

Hayato lowers to kiss Ryu again, hands reaching for his cock and everything blurs until he collapses on top of Ryu. 

Ryu holds on to him and plants soft kisses on his cheek. 

 

*

 

Hayato bows to Odagiri-san after he said he would let Ryu decide his own future.

He has always hated him, but he's Ryu's father. Ryu has always loved Hayato's parents like his own. 

“Does your father still think of me as worse than those Frentzen guys?” he asked Ryu. 

Ryu shakes his head lightly. “After you tried to break me out of my home, I think my father might lock you up one of these days.”

Hayato glares at him. 

“Your family's fucked up.”

 

*

 

Before Yankumi came, there was another substitute teacher who was supposed to teach Class 3D Mathematics. He was a tall, intimidating-looking man who wore glasses during classes and pushed it up his nose as often as he could. Hyuuga identified the substitute teacher as “the desperate otaku man who thinks all girls love men in glasses”. Hayato doesn't remember much, he was half-asleep when the teacher came in and all substitutes are warned about Hayato anyway. 

For some reason, Ishida-sensei apparently didn't like Ryu the moment he walked in. 

“You, over there,” he said, ignoring the commotion in the class while glaring at Ryu. “Solve this,” and he pointed at the blackboard. Hayato didn't bother looking up from his semi-slumber. 

There was a shifting sound of Ryu rising up from his seat and the class fell into attentive silence, and a few moments later, Ryu was back in his seat. Hayato gathered that he had taught their new teacher a lesson. 

“What did you do just now?” Hayato asked with a yawn during recess. 

“I solved the problem,” Ryu answered quietly, reading the latest issue of Shonen Jump.

“Really,” Hayato replied nonchalantly. 

When they left the schoolgate, Ishida-sensei approached Ryu and told him about the cram school he was a tutor at and said that Ryu would benefit from the lesson modules they offered. 

“It's like an instant entrance to Tokyo University,” he said, flashing the obnoxious grin towards Ryu that seemed to go past Hayato. 

Ryu shrugged. “Not interested.”

Ishida-sensei shoved his namecard into Ryu's pocket anyway. 

 

*

 

Sometimes Hayato has a bunch of questions in his head for Ryu which he's not supposed to have, since that would mean that he subconsciously understands Ryu less than he think he does. But the questions soon become puzzles and Hayato hates puzzling stuff. 

He still never asks—he'd rather die than admit that he doesn't really understand Ryu. 

 

*

 

Ryu's lips are soft, his skin is tender, his built is slim—he almost feels like a girl. 

But his kisses are sharp and raw, rough on the edges, crushes Hayato hard. 

It's almost like Ryu doesn't want Hayato to forget that he's not a girl; never was, never will be. 

 

*

 

A lot of people say that Hayato never thinks, but they are wrong. 

Hayato thinks a lot, he just never bothers with thinking about something for more than one minute at a time. 

“It's life's biggest secret, I tell you,” he boasts. A few seats away, Ryu rolls his eyes. 

 

*

 

Hayato finds Ryu lurking in Frentzen's backalley, brushing off the advances of an older woman who's wearing a dress that resembles a membrane more than fabric. 

“Didn't bother telling her that she could be jailed for fucking you, did you?” Hayato taunts. 

“It's none of your business,” Ryu says. 

“So that's why you never seem to like girls we introduce to you. You like 'em riper, right, Ryu?”

“Shut up.”

“Maybe you should get back inside and follow her to a love hotel, I won't bust you out.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I'm not you, you see. I don't like talking too much.”

Ryu kicks the pile of rubbish beside him. 

“Fuck off, Hayato.”

Hayato storms to him and clutches Ryu's shirt, clashing their lips together roughly. Ryu struggles; he tries to pull away from Hayato, but Hayato pushes him to the wall and presses Ryu against it with his arm. Ryu rises up and Hayato pushes him back, and pushes him again when he attempts to free himself again, only letting him go when Ryu finally gives in. 

Ryu stands up and delivers a punch to Hayato's face. 

“Jerk.”

 

*

 

“Hey, Ryu,” Hayato asks as they lie on the soccer field, their graduation certificates sparkling beside them, “are you still going to Canada?”

“No, I'm thinking of getting a job somewhere,” Ryu says, “you?”

Hayato's mind is as black as the sky. 

“I have no freaking idea.”

 

*

 

Hayato knows that Hyuuga messes around with girls. He's more straightforward and a natural charmer, so he sometimes tells Hayato things his girlfriends ask him to do. Take them to Disneyland someday, take _purikura_ s with them, buy them couple rings, and stuff like that. 

Hayato knows that Tsucchi's a bit weird with girls, he seems to like them younger and naïve. But they are all the same, Tsucchi says. They still tell him they want a trip to Disneyland, _purikura_ s, couple items. 

Take can only listen because he's still a little too shy. It doesn't help that the girls he likes are usually baby dominatrixes. 

All these couple thing the rest of the boys do, they sound disgusting to Ryu. 

 

*

 

If Hayato were to be honest with himself, the world started halting when Ryu drove him away in the backalley behind Frentzen. 

Adaptation is a bitch; he doesn't remember how his life was before Ryu. 

 

*

 

Hayato's first real kiss with Ryu happens after the first time they have sex, when Hayato sees Ryu waking up and he holds him in his arms. 

Everything else doesn't count, because everything else—all the memories of missed opportunities and denied kisses—fades when Ryu kisses him back softly. 

 

*

 

“Move in with me,” Hayato proposes. 

“What?” Ryu asks blankly. 

“I mean, I know we graduated and all,” Hayato explains, “and since we both sorta have no purpose yet..”

He stops and scratches his head when he realises the ludicrousness of it all. He starts counting all the things Ryu might become—a teacher, a lecturer, a scientist, a salaryman, and decided that maybe he has just outfooled himself. 

“Yea, ok.”

Hayato's pretty shocked, but somehow he might have expected Ryu's answer. 

“And uhm.”

“What?”

“If we live together, I would want to make out sometimes.”

“Ok.”

“And I need to have sex.”

“Fine.”

“With you.”

Ryu gives him the usual blank but focused stare, and Hayato smiles. 

In a language only they understand, Ryu has just agreed. 

 

*


End file.
